and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
