ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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