I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
