you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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