My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
