At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
