I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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