Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
