Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
