so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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