My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
