my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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