i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
