I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was born a porn star she said
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
