i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
