apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
