its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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