dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
