yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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