I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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