I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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