my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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