Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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