Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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