I am puke
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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