it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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