low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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