I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
