I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
