you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Send help, water and tortillas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
