4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
