I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
