she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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