No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
