dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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