Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
