onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
