It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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