I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
