I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
