he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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