I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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