Yo dont text me then not text me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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