operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
