Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
