weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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