then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
