I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
