Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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