Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
