I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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