You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
