So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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