I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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