He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
