im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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