Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
