my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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