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bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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