the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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