better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
