I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
