she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
