IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
