My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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