I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
