Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
