My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
