all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
