My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
