He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
