I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
