Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
