here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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