is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
