you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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