Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
