Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
